1. ASManager2_6.zip Driver
2. H_DTAIL2.txt File Contents

H_DTAIL2.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2_6.zip)

Name: <  >
Class: <  >
Date: <  >

Add and Trim, Part 2

Some writers draft a story or article by writing far more than they intend to keep. After getting down all their ideas, they go back and cut out any word, phrase, or sentence that is unimportant to the main impression they wish to convey to the reader. When describing something, begin with an abundance of information. Then revise your work until only the significant details remain.

You'll begin this activity by reading a much modified paragraph. The original passage was written by Mark Twain in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. It has been modified so that much of the detail is missing. You'll be asked to fill in the detail! But first, read the paragraph, skipping over the numbers.

"In the (1) wigwam we made a layer of dirt (2) with a frame around (3); this was to build a fire on (4); the wigwam would keep it from being seen. We made an extra steering-oar, too (5). We fixed up a short forked stick to hang the old lantern on, because we must always light the lantern whenever we see a steamboat coming downstream (6); but we wouldn't have to light it for up-stream boats unless we see we was in what they call a "crossing;" for the river was pretty high yet, very low banks being still a little underwater, so up-bound boats didn't always run the channel, but hunted easy water."


Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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Now, make up answers to the questions below.

1. Where did you build the fire in the wigwam?

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2. How deep was the layer of dirt?

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3. What was the frame for?

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4. Why would you build a fire?

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5. Why would you make an extra steering oar?

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6. Why do you need to be seen by steamboats coming downstream?

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Now, scroll up to the numbered paragraph. Add these details to the paragraph at the numbered locations. Fit the information into the paragraph as phrases or additional sentences.

Scroll up again and reread your paragraph. Select those details that clearly and effectively tell the main impression you wish to convey. Remember, it is the quality of the details that matters, not the quantity. Some of the details you added may need to come right back out! Keep only the effective details.

Now, read the paragraph as Mark Twain wrote it:

"Right in the middle of the wigwam we made a layer of dirt about five or six inches deep with a frame around it for to hold it to its place; this was to build a fire on in sloppy weather or chilly; the wigwam would keep it from being seen. We made an extra steering-oar, too, because one of the others might get broke on a snag or something. We fixed up a short forked stick to hang the old lantern on, because we must always light the lantern whenever we see a steamboat coming downstream, to keep from getting run over; but we wouldn't have to light it for up-stream boats unless we see we was in what they call a "crossing;" for the river was pretty high yet, very low banks being still a little underwater, so up-bound boats didn't always run the channel, but hunted easy water."

Write a paragraph of your own, using the least amount of detail. You might describe a place you have been, or a scene from a movie. Describe objects in the scene with as little detail as possible. For example, instead of writing: "A tall amber-colored lamp sat on a small marble table," you would write "A lamp sat on a table."

 Type your paragraph below:

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Ask a writing partner or friend to type a list of questions about the place you described in your paragraph. Your partner or friend should ask as many questions as seem necessary. Type those questions below.

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Now, answer the questions by adding those details to your paragraph. When you are finished, make a copy of your changed paragraph. Place the copy at the angle bracketsbelow.

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Now edit the paragraph. Remove any word, phrase, or sentence which seems unimportant. Retain only those details that convey the main impression you want the paragraph to convey.


If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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