1. ASManager2_6.zip Driver
2. L_TIGHT.txt File Contents

L_TIGHT.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2_6.zip)

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Tightening

When we first begin to write, we may write one thought at a time. For example, when writing about visiting a baseball park, we might write something like this:

"We played our first league baseball game. We played against the Raiders. It was last week."

During a rewrite, the sentences could be "tightened" like this:

"We played our first league game against the Raiders last week."

Notice, the revision combines sentences and deletes words or repeated ideas.

The following passage was rewritten from a novel. Try to tighten the language. To do so, you can:

Combine sentences
Delete unnecessary words
Delete repeated ideas


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Rewritten Passage

I had made my hemlock bed right in the stream valley. It was in a place where the wind drained down from the mountaintop. The mountaintop was cold and so the wind was cold. It might have been all right if I had made it on the other side of the boulder. But I made it on the wrong side of the boulder. I was right on the main highway of the cold winds. These cold winds tore down upon the valley below. I didn't have enough hemlock boughs under me. My stomach was cold and damp even before I lay my head down. I took some boughs off the roof and stuffed them under me. After putting the boughs under me, my shoulders were cold. I curled up in a ball. I was almost asleep. Then a whippoorwill call awakened me. If you have ever been within forty feet of a whippoorwill, you will understand. It was so loud I couldn't even shut my eyes. They are deafening!


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Below is the original passage from My Side of the Mountain by Jean George. Read this original passage, then come back to answer these questions:

How many sentences did you combine?

<  >

How many words did you delete?

<  >

How many repeated ideas did you delete?

<  >


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Original Passage

I had made my hemlock bed right in the stream valley where the wind drained down from the cold mountaintop. It might have been all right if I had made it on the other side of the boulder, but I didn't. I was right on the main highway of the cold winds as they tore down upon the valley below. I didn't have enough hemlock boughs under me, and before I had my head down, my stomach was cold and damp. I took some boughs off the roof and stuffed them under me, and then my shoulders were cold. I curled up in a ball and was almost asleep when a whippoorwill called. If you have ever been within forty feet of a whippoorwill, you will understand why I couldn't even shut my eyes. They are deafening!

Excerpted from My Side of the Mountain
By Jean George

Don't forget! Scroll back to the questions and answer them.


If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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