1. ASManager2_6.zip Driver
2. i_trim.txt File Contents

i_trim.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2_6.zip)

Name: <  >
Class: <  >
Date: <  >



Trim It

Detail Questions

Writers often have to cut out unimportant words, phrases, and sentences from the important ones until they are left with sentences that convey the main impression they want to leave with the reader. When describing something, begin with an abundance of information, then revise your work so that only the significant details remain.

The paragraph below is from The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane. It has been modified so that much of the detail is missing. Read the paragraph, skipping over the numbers.

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He was being looked at by a dead man <1>. The corpse was dressed in a uniform that once had been blue <2>. The eyes, staring at the youth, had changed to a dull hue <3>. The mouth was open. Its red had changed to an appalling yellow. Over the <4> face ran ants. <5>

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Use your imagination to make up answers to the questions below. Scroll up and add this information to the paragraph above at the numbered locations. Do one question at a time, scrolling back to the paragraph to insert your writing.

1. What was the dead man's position? (seated, lying, etc.)

2. What color was the uniform?

3. "The eyes had changed to a dull hue" -- what is that like? Tell more so the reader will understand what the eyes looked like.

4. What was the skin on the face like? Describe it some more.

5. What were the ants on the dead man's face doing? Describe their activity some more.

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Next you will read your paragraph again. This time, select those details that clearly and effectively tell the story. Remember, it is the quality of the details that matters, not the quantity. Some of the detail you added may need to come right back out.

Scroll back to your paragraph above and edit. Keep only the effective details.

After you are finished with your paragraph, come back to this screen and continue on.

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Now it's time to read the paragraph as Stephen Crane wrote it in The Red Badge of Courage:

He was being looked at by a dead man who was seated with his back against a columnlike tree. The corpse was dressed in a uniform that once had been blue, but was now faded to a melancholy shade of green. The eyes, staring at the youth, had changed to the dull hue to be seen on the side of a dead fish. The mouth was open. Its red had changed to an appalling yellow. Over the gray skin of the face ran ants. One was trundling some sort of a bundle along the upper lip.

How does Stephen Crane's choice of language and use of description increase the effectiveness of this paragraph? Look back at your version. Which of your own sentences do you like the most? Can you see how you might improve your paragraph after reading the original?

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Now write a bare-bones paragraph of your own with no details.

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Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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Have your writing partner or a friend read your paragraph and think of as many questions as they can about the topic of your paragraph.

Next, working with your friend, use your imagination to answer the questions and add the details to your paragraph.

Finally, edit the paragraph. Remove any details which are just excess padding. Retain only those details that improve the paragraph.


If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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