1. ASManager2_6.zip Driver
2. g_trim2.txt File Contents

g_trim2.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2_6.zip)

Name: <  >
Class: <  >
Date: <  >


Add and Trim
Part 2

Writers often cut unneeded words and ideas to sharpen those they want to leave with the reader. Some writers begin with an abundance of information, then revise until the writing is clear and crisp.

Below is a rewritten version of a paragraph from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. It has been modified so descriptive details are missing. Read the paragraph, skipping over the numbers.

Modified Passage

In the <1> wigwam we made a layer of dirt <2> with a frame around <3>; this was to build a fire on <4>; the wigwam would keep it from being seen. We made an extra steering-oar, too <5>. We fixed up a short forked stick to hang the old lantern on, because we must always light the lantern whenever we see a steamboat coming down stream <6>; but we wouldn't have to light it for up-stream boats unless we see we was in what they call a "crossing"; for the river was pretty high yet, very low banks being still a little underwater, so up-bound boats didn't always run the channel, but hunted easy water.


Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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Think about the modified passage as you reread it. Then, make up answers to the questions below. State your ideas in a word or phrase; add them at numbered locations.

1. Where in the wigwam did you build the fire?

2. How deep was the layer of dirt?

3. What was the frame for?

4. Why would you build a fire?

5. Why did you make an extra steering oar?

6. Why would you need to be seen by steamboats coming down stream?


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Reread your paragraph. Revise details where needed until the story is clear. Remember, the quality of details matters, not the quantity.

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Now read the paragraph as Mark Twain wrote it in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn:

Original Passage

Right in the middle of the wigwam we made a layer of dirt about five or six inches deep with a frame around it for to hold it to its place; this was to build a fire on in sloppy weather or chilly; the wigwam would keep it from being seen. We made an extra steering-oar, too, because one of the others might get broke, on a snag or something. We fixed up a short forked stick to hang the old lantern on; because we must always light the lantern whenever we see a steamboat coming down stream, to keep from getting run over; but we wouldn't have to light it for up-stream boats unless we see we was in what they call a 'crossing'; for the river was pretty high yet, very low banks being still a little underwater; so up-bound boats didn't always run the channel, but hunted easy water.

Mark Twain's choice of descriptive words produces an overall effect. Which of the following seems most true:

The overall effect is to:

a. describe how to make camp with a wigwam
b. describe the preparations of the characters
c. describe the setting for the story

<  >

Write a two- or three-sentence paragraph telling why you selected answer "a," "b," or "c."

<  >


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Now, go back and compare the modified version you completed to the original paragraph Mark Twain wrote. How would you change your paragraph to obtain an overall effect similar to effect "a," "b," or "c." State which effect you wanted to achieve.

My Modified Paragraph

The overall effect I wished to achieve in my paragraph is to describe <  >

<  >

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Ask your writing partner to read your paragraph. Ask your partner to describe the overall effect of your paragraph. Does your partner's opinion agree with yours? If not, try to make the changes needed to strengthen the overall effect you wanted to achieve.


If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)
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end of activity
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