1. ASManager2_6.zip Driver
2. g_dtail1.txt File Contents

g_dtail1.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2_6.zip)

Name: <  >
Class: <  >
Date: <  >

Add and Trim, Part 1

Some writers draft a story or article by writing far more than they intend to keep. After getting down all their ideas, they go back and cut out any word, phrase, or sentence that is unimportant to the main impression they wish to convey to the reader. When describing something, begin with an abundance of information. Then revise your work until only the significant details remain.

You'll begin this activity by reading a much modified paragraph. The original passage was written by Stephen Crane in The Red Badge of Courage. It has been modified so that much of the detail is missing. You'll be asked to fill in the detail! But first, read the paragraph, skipping over the numbers:

"He was being looked at by a dead man (1). The corpse was dressed in a uniform that once had been blue (2). The eyes, staring at the youth, had changed to a dull hue (3). The mouth was open. Its red had changed to an appalling yellow. Over the (4) face ran ants. (5)"

Make up answers to the questions below.

1. What was the dead man's position? Was he seated? Lying?

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2. What color was the uniform, if not "blue"?

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3. A "dull hue"--what is that like? Tell more so the reader will understand what the eyes looked like.

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4. What was the skin on the face like? Describe it more fully.

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5. What were the ants on the dead man's face doing? Describe their activity more fully.

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Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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Now scroll up to the numbered paragraph. Add your information to the paragraph at the numbered locations. Fit the information into the paragraph as working phrases or additional sentences.

Scroll up again and reread your paragraph. Select those details that clearly and effectively tell the main impression you wish to convey. Remember, it is the quality of the details that matters, not the quantity. Some of the detail you added may need to come right back out! Keep only the effective details.

Now it's time to read the paragraph as Stephen Crane wrote it in The Red Badge of Courage:

"He was being looked at by a dead man who was seated with his back against a columnlike tree. The corpse was dressed in a uniform that once had been blue, but was now faded to a melancholy shade of green. The eyes, staring at the youth, had changed to the dull hue to be seen on the side of a dead fish. The mouth was open. Its red had changed to an appalling yellow. Over the gray skin of the face ran ants. One was trundling some sort of a bundle along the upper lip."

How does Stephen Crane's choice of language and use of description work to effect the feeling of the paragraph? Look back at your version. Which of your own sentences do you like the most? Can you improve your paragraph even more after reading the original? If so, go back and revise your paragraph.

Now write a paragraph of your own, giving the least amount of detail. You might try to describe something scary that happened to you, or a scary scene from a movie. In place of details, just state the events. Type the paragraph below.

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Have your partner or a friend type a list of questions about the event you described in your paragraph. Your partner or friend should ask as many questions as they can, requesting detail not given in your "bare-bones" paragraph. Type those questions below.

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Now, answer the questions by adding those details to your paragraph. When you are finished, make a copy of your changed paragraph. Place the copy at the marker below.

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Next, edit the paragraph. Remove any word, phrase, or sentence which seems unimportant. Retain only those details that convey the main impression you want to share with readers.


If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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