1. ASManager2_6.zip Driver
2. e_unity.txt File Contents

e_unity.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2_6.zip)

Name: <  >
Class: <  >
Date: <  >



Unity and Style

Unity refers to the concept that everything in a paragraph ties in and supports your topic sentence. Some students use "filler" to make their essays longer and thus, they think, better. It's probably okay that mattress companies pad their product, but it is not okay for writers to pad what they write. Readers know if the writers are padding what they write, and they are offended by it. "Get to the point!" readers say. Improving the unity of writing also improves the style.

In writing, the most common ways of lengthening your work are:
*  repeating yourself (redundance)
*  adding ideas that sort of tie in, but not really (irrelevance)
*  saying something in twenty words that you could say as easily in ten (deadwood)



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Activity 1

The following sentences contain deadwood. Edit the sentences, making them more concise. The first three are done for you. When you finish, compare your answers to the ones on the next screen.


1. In the month of August, three of the members of my family climbed Longs Peak.

Revision:

In August, three of my family climbed Longs Peak.


2. A person who is honest should get elected.

Revision:

An honest person should get elected.


3. Personally, I think that people should hibernate during the winter months.

Revision:

People should hibernate during the winter months.


4. Classes start at 7 a.m. in the morning.

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5. At this point in time I can not afford a new car.

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6. The store gave free gifts to the first fifty customers.

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7. An officer who had experience would have had an idea about what to do.

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8. Mr. Palmer is a very unique teacher of English.

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9. The fact of the matter is that I don't like ice cream

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10. There was a lot of confusion on the part of his parents.

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Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)


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Suggested Revisions:

4. Classes start at 7 a.m.
5. I can not afford a new car now.
6. The store gave gifts to the first fifty customers.
7. An experienced officer would know what to do.
8. Mr. Palmer is a unique English teacher.
9. I don't like ice cream.
10. His parents were very confused.



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Activity 2

Edit the following paragraph, removing each word, phrase, or sentence that disrupts the unity of the paragraph. Look for deadwood, padding, and irrelevant words. Compare your version with your partners' (or collaborate with them on this).


Should women fight in war? This is a good question, very hard to answer but I think that if women are capable of fighting in a war that they should fight. In this article Goodman said that is America ready to see women come home in body bags? That's stupid. I don't think America is ready for men to come home in body bags. Why do we even have wars? There is no use for them, at least worth fighting for or even nothing to gain from it. You don't get anything out of war; the only thing you do get is death. Some other countries have women in their armies, so why can't we have women fight in ours?



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Activity 3

The following paragraph contains two sentences that don't belong. Move the sentences that weaken the unity of the paragraph to the marker below. Then, compare your answers with your partners' answers.



Cross-country skiing is a great way to spend a day in the winter. First, it is an excellent form of exercise. It works every muscle group and burns off calories as well. I used to swim, but the chlorine burned my eyes. Secondly, ski touring is a good way to get away from crowds. I hate crowds! I frequently ski all day and see only a half dozen people. Finally, the mountains are spectacular in the winter. The combination of snow and blue sky is breathtaking. On Saturdays in the winter, some people head for the malls, but I head for the hills.

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My Essay

Now, go to your file you worked on earlier. Do a unity and style check on the last two paragraphs you wrote. Make any changes that will improve the unity and conciseness of your work. That includes deleting deadwood.

When you finish, have a partner (your editor) read your work and offer suggestions concerning unity and style. If the suggestions make sense to you, revise again.




If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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