1. ASManager2.zip Driver
2. I_SHOW.txt File Contents

I_SHOW.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2.zip)

Name: <  >
Class: <  >
Date: <  >



Show - Don't Tell

One of the maxims of good descriptive writing is that the good writer always shows rather than tells. That means writers need to respect the intelligence of their readers, so rather than making a statement that simply tells ("The sky was overcast."), the good writer writes so the reader can see for himself ("The overcast sky threatened rain every afternoon.").

A good example of this kind of writing is found in Jack London's short story "To Build a Fire:"

The frozen moisture of its breathing had settled on its fur in a fine powder of frost, and especially were its jowls, muzzles, and eyelashes whitened by its crystallized breath. The man's red beard and mustache were likewise frosted, but more solidly, the deposit taking the form of ice and increasing with every warm, moist breath he exhaled.


London might have expressed this observation in one direct sentence, but it would have none of the impact or richness of the description above.

In your own words, write a sentence that would summarize the paragraph by telling instead of showing.


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Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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The passage from London's "To Build a Fire" continues:

Also the man was chewing tobacco, and the muzzle of ice held his lips so rigidly that he was unable to clear his chin when he expelled the juice. The result was that a crystal beard of the color and solidity of amber was increasing its length on his chin. If he fell down it would shatter itself, like glass, into brittle fragments. But he did not mind the appendage. It was the penalty all tobacco chewers paid in that country, and he had been out before in two cold snaps. They had not been so cold as this, he knew, but by the spirit thermometer at Sixty Mile he knew they had registered at fifty below and at fifty-five.


By showing the reader the effects of the temperature on both the dog and the man, London helps the reader, who has probably never been that cold and is probably sitting in a soft chair by a warm fire as he reads, (or, at least, sitting in a chilly classroom on a hard plastic chair) to experience that tremendous cold.

In your own words, write a sentence that would summarize this paragraph by telling instead of showing.


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To show, writers avoid using to be verbs. Those are the verbs that show something exists:

is
are
was
were

These verbs tell, but they don't allow the reader to actually get into the scene. Read the following paragraph, and try not to fall asleep:


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The air was cold. The day was cloudy. The sun was just coming up. The ducks would be flying low, and the hunters were excited. They were in the blinds at the edge of the lake in their camouflage. Some were honking on their calls, others were drinking coffee and schnapps. Others sat staring towards the gray horizon. The dogs lay quietly at their feet. They were eager to spring into the freezing water to retrieve the ducks that would get shot.


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Activity 1

The sentence below is the beginning of a revision of the above passage. Place a copy of the paragraph following this sentence and rewrite it, getting rid of as many to be constructions as possible. Add any details that might make a clearer image for the reader.




Rewritten Version:

The cold air pierced the camouflage coveralls of the duck hunters as they crouched inside the shallow blinds at the edge of the lake. <  >


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Activity 2

Continue to work on eliminating to be verbs in the following sentences by rewriting them at the markers, showing rather than telling. If it takes more than one sentence to show what you want to show, write more than one.




1. Horace was dirty and smelly.


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2. The dog was vicious.


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3. The baby was tired.


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4. The teacher was old, but handsome.


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5. His car was a piece of junk.


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6. The President was puzzled by the reporter's question.


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7. The test was hard.


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8. The principal lost her temper.


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9. The team celebrated its victory.


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10. The class was dull.


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Activity 3

Now, let's take this one step further. Copy one of your revised sentences at the marker below, or use an idea of your own. Write a one hundred-word paragraph that shows even more about the topic of that sentence.



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If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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