1. ASManager2.zip Driver
2. H_SENT.txt File Contents

H_SENT.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2.zip)

Name: <  >
Class: <  >
Date: <  >



Sentence Variety


A frequent weakness in students' writing is the lack of variety in sentences. Too many begin with the same word: 

The . . .  The . . .  The . . .
He was . . .  She was . . .  It was . . .

These phrases are a bit like vegetables; you need a few, but come on! Too many in one paragraph and the reader fills up very quickly.

Another frequent problem is that too many sentences are approximately the same length. When that happens, the reader's mind goes on automatic pilot, and he quits paying attention to what he's reading. 

Read the following adaptation of a paragraph from Jack London's story "To Build a Fire" and then read the original. Talk about the two versions with your partners. Point out the different sentence styles. Do you find yourself "tuning out" when you're reading the first version?


==================


Adaptation:

The dog dropped in again at his heels. The tail drooped discouragement. The man swung along the creekbed. The furrow of the old sled trail was plainly visible, but the dozen inches of snow covered the marks of the last runners. The man had been the first in a month to come up or down that silent creek. The man held steadily on. The man was not given to thinking. The man had nothing to think about but that he would eat lunch at the forks. The man would be in camp with the boys at six o'clock. The man had no one to talk to, but the man couldn't talk anyway because of the ice muzzle on his mouth. So the man continued to chew tobacco and increase the length of his amber beard.


==================


Original:

The dog dropped in again at his heels, with a tail drooping discouragement, as the man swung along the creekbed. The furrow of the old sled trail was plainly visible, but a dozen inches of snow covered the marks of the last runners. In a month no man had come up or down that silent creek. The man held steadily on. He was not much given to thinking, and just then particularly he had nothing to think about save that he would eat lunch at the forks and that at six o'clock he would be in camp with the boys. There was nobody to talk to; and, had there been, speech would have been impossible because of the ice muzzle on his mouth. So he continued monotonously to chew tobacco and to increase the length of his amber beard.


==================


Now look at the original with an eye to the combining words and transitions words (IN CAPITAL LETTERS) that give variety to the sentences.

Come back to this screen later if you need some ideas for variety.


Original:

The dog dropped in again at his heels, WITH a tail drooping discouragement, AS the man swung along the creekbed. The furrow of the old sled trail was plainly visible, BUT a dozen inches of snow covered the marks of the last run. IN A MONTH no man had come up or down that silent creek. The man held steadily on. He was not much given to thinking, AND JUST THEN PARTICULARLY he had nothing to think about save that he would eat lunch at the forks and THAT AT SIX O'CLOCK he would be in camp with the boys. There was nobody to talk to; AND HAD THERE BEEN, speech would have been impossible BECAUSE OF THE ice muzzle on his mouth. So he continued monotonously to chew tobacco and to increase the length of his amber beard.


==================


Activity 1

Now, try your hand. Read the following "messed up" adaptations of London's writing, and rewrite each, adding variety to the wording and sentence length. Then copy your revised sentences below the original sentences and compare them. Put square brackets [ ] around your sentences that you like better than London's. If your teacher requests it, make changes in your sentences to match the originals.



Messed Up Adaptation:

The man was shocked. The man thought he had heard his own death sentence. The man sat and stared at the spot for a moment. The fire had been at the spot. Then the man grew very calm. The man thought perhaps the old-timer on Sulphur Creek was right.


Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)


Original:


The man was shocked. It was as though he had just heard his own sentence of death. For a moment he sat and stared at the spot where the fire had been. Then he grew very calm. Perhaps the old-timer on Sulphur Creek was right.


==================


Messed Up Adaptation:

If the man had only had a trailmate he would have been in no danger now. The trailmate could have built the fire. Well, it was up to him to build the fire over again. The man knew this second time there must be no failure. The man would most likely lose some toes, even if he succeeded. The man's feet must be badly frozen by now. There would be some time before the second fire was ready.



Original:

If he had only had a trailmate he would have been in no danger now. The trailmate could have built the fire. Well, it was up to him to build the fire over again, and this second time there must be no failure. Even if he succeeded, he would most likely lose some toes. His feet must be badly frozen by now, and there would be some time before the second fire was ready.


If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

==================

end of activity
Copyright Renaissance Learning, Inc.