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f_rev2.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2.zip)

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Revision II

By adding sentences that support your point, your point becomes stronger. The stronger your point, the more persuasive you are. Remember, though:

Quantity and quality are not the same!

Read the paragraph below from an essay-in-progress. This is the eight-sentence paragraph example on extending the school year:


The school year should be lengthened by twenty days. American students need more schooling to compete with the rest of the world. American students attend fewer days of school per year than the students in any of the other top twenty industrial nations. Students would forget less if the summer vacation were not as long as it is. Many classes need to spend most of the first quarter reviewing what was learned the previous year, before they can go on to new material. Students would get less bored and, therefore, into less trouble if they had a shorter vacation. The crime rate goes up among juveniles in the summer because they have fewer things to do and more time on their hands. If the school year is not lengthened, America will continue to fall further and further behind the rest of the industrial world.


To expand this paragraph, you have to think of more details that support your main points. Now it's beginning to get tough.

The school year should be lengthened by twenty days. American students need more schooling to compete with the rest of the world. American students attend fewer days of school per year than the students in any of the other top twenty industrial nations. AMERICAN STUDENTS SCORE LOWER ON NATIONAL TESTS THAN STUDENTS FROM THESE OTHER COUNTRIES. Students would forget less if the summer vacation were not as long as it is. Many classes need to spend most of the first quarter reviewing what was learned the previous year, before they can go on to new material. BECAUSE OF THE CONSTANT REVIEW, SOME STUDENTS GET BORED AND BECOME DISRUPTIVE IN CLASS. Students would get less bored and, therefore, into less trouble if they had a shorter vacation. The crime rate goes up among juveniles in the summer because they have fewer things to do and more time on their hands. STUDENTS PARTY MORE, CAUSING MORE OF THEM TO HAVE ALCOHOL-RELATED CAR ACCIDENTS. If the school year is not lengthened, America will continue to fall further and further behind the rest of the industrial world.


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Activity 1

Without adding major points, add sentences containing specific details to expand the following paragraph from seven to eleven sentences. Place brackets [ ] around the sentences you add. Compare your sentences with those of your partners or fellow writers.



Computers are wonderful tools for writers. With a computer, a writer can easily correct spelling mistakes. In the past, a writer with a typewriter either had to use correction fluid or an erasable ribbon. With a computer, a writer can easily add a sentence where more development is needed. With a typewriter, a writer had to retype the entire page. If a writer wants to move material around, he can do it easily with a computer. Of course, computers are a lot more expensive too.


Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)


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My Essay

Now, go to the file you worked on earlier. Choose one of your two paragraphs and expand it to eleven sentences. When you finish, save your work and if your teacher requests, print it.


If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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