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e_desc.txt Driver File Contents (ASManager2.zip)

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Describing a Scene

Descriptive Language

Descriptive language appeals to the reader's senses. Authors combine words in ways that show what readers are to feel, see, hear, smell, taste, or imagine. Here are some examples of descriptive words:

soft velvet
pale orchid
crackle
pine scented
hot cinnamon
an air of gloom hung over us

Read the passage below and let yourself "experience" what is happening.

The passage is from Crime and Punishment by the great Russian writer, Feodor Dostoyevsky. As you read the excerpt, notice how he uses descriptive language to communicate the "feeling" of the apartment.

Excerpt from Crime and Punishment
By Feodor Dostoyevsky

They went in from the yard and up to the fourth story. The staircase got darker and darker as they went up. It was nearly eleven o'clock and although in summer in Petersburg there is no real night, yet it was quite dark at the top of the stairs.

A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs stood ajar. A very poor-looking room about ten paces long was lighted up by a candle-end; the whole of it was visible from the entrance. It was all in disorder, littered up with rags of all sorts, especially children's garments. Across the furthest corner was stretched a ragged sheet. Behind it probably was the bed. There was nothing in the room except two chairs and a sofa covered with American leather, full of holes, before which stood an old deal kitchen-table, unpainted and uncovered. At the edge of the table stood a smouldering tallow-candle in an iron candlestick. It appeared that the family had a room to themselves, not part of a room, but their room was practically a passage. The door leading to the other rooms, or rather cupboards, into which Amalia Lippevechsel's flat was divided stood half open, and there was shouting, uproar and laughter within. People seemed to be playing cards and drinking tea there. Words of the most unceremonious kind flew out from time to time.

At the angle brackets below, describe your overall feeling as you read the description.

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List four or five words used in the paragraph that contributed to your overall "feeling" about the apartment.

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Name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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Let's see how important descriptive language is to the paragraph. Another copy of the apartment description appears below. Delete descriptive words that made you feel the way you did as you read the paragraph. Or, you might replace an adjective or adverb with a less descriptive word. For example, you might change:

"A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs stood ajar."

to:

A little door at the top of the stairs was open.

or:

A small door at the top of the stairs was open.

Modify the excerpt below to change the feeling.

Excerpt from Crime and Punishment
By Feodor Dostoyevsky

They went in from the yard and up to the fourth story. The staircase got darker and darker as they went up. It was nearly eleven o'clock and although in summer in Petersburg there is no real night, yet it was quite dark at the top of the stairs.

A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs stood ajar. A very poor-looking room about ten paces long was lighted up by a candle-end; the whole of it was visible from the entrance. It was all in disorder, littered up with rags of all sorts, especially children's garments. Across the furthest corner was stretched a ragged sheet. Behind it probably was the bed. There was nothing in the room except two chairs and a sofa covered with American leather, full of holes, before which stood an old deal kitchen-table, unpainted and uncovered. At the edge of the table stood a smouldering tallow-candle in an iron candlestick. It appeared that the family had a room to themselves, not part of a room, but their room was practically a passage. The door leading to the other rooms, or rather cupboards, into which Amalia Lippevechsel's flat was divided stood half open, and there was shouting, uproar and laughter within. People seemed to be playing cards and drinking tea there. Words of the most unceremonious kind flew out from time to time.


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Reread your modified excerpt. Have your partner or a friend read it. Did you manage to change the mood created by Dostoyevsky?

Now let's change the mood of the paragraph further. A third copy of the paragraph is shown below. Replace some of the descriptive words in this paragraph with new ones. Choose words which will turn the apartment into an inviting, friendly, warm apartment.

Excerpt from Crime and Punishment
By Feodor Dostoyevsky

They went in from the yard and up to the fourth story. The staircase got darker and darker as they went up. It was nearly eleven o'clock and although in summer in Petersburg there is no real night, yet it was quite dark at the top of the stairs.

A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs stood ajar. A very poor-looking room about ten paces long was lighted up by a candle-end; the whole of it was visible from the entrance. It was all in disorder, littered up with rags of all sorts, especially children's garments. Across the furthest corner was stretched a ragged sheet. Behind it probably was the bed. There was nothing in the room except two chairs and a sofa covered with American leather, full of holes, before which stood an old deal kitchen-table, unpainted and uncovered. At the edge of the table stood a smouldering tallow-candle in an iron candlestick. It appeared that the family had a room to themselves, not part of a room, but their room was practically a passage. The door leading to the other rooms, or rather cupboards, into which Amalia Lippevechsel's flat was divided stood half open, and there was shouting, uproar and laughter within. People seemed to be playing cards and drinking tea there. Words of the most unceremonious kind flew out from time to time.


====================

Reread your modified paragraph. Have your partner or a friend read it. Did you manage to turn the apartment into a warm, inviting place -- a place you would like to live in? If not, go back and work on it some more.

Next try to use some of Dostoyevsky's techniques of style to create your own paragraph. Choose something other than an apartment to describe.

What is the subject of your paragraph?

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Type your paragraph below.

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If you haven't done so already, name and save this file now. (Press ctrl+S, type a name for the file, and press enter.)

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end of activity
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